Dear Aut,

     Well hello there friend! Thank you for writing to me on your blog and updating me on your fun times in a tourist town. I loved every second of it ! ( for those of you who read my blog that aren't Aut --- which I seriously doubt is anyone, but one can only wonder, click here to view Aut's letter to me !) I am glad to hear that you are enjoying your time where you are and that God is growing you in really cool ways.
     Hmmm... If I had to update you on my entire life at the moment in one word (which is enjoyable to me because it is a challenge and an adventure to try to find one word to describe something that would normally take a lifetime of words to explain) that word would be fearful. Although I would like to get on here and tell you all of the things that are going amazingly in my life in spite of my fear, I wouldn't be the candid person that I am if I did. So fearful it is. Yes, God is constantly working in spite of my fearful heart, praise Him for that!
     I am realizing (just about 10 mins ago to be exact ) that fear is a crippling emotion. It has seemed to unknowingly have creeped into most all of the aspects of my life. Fear is also funny because, although is it the root of what is going on it has a way of disguising itself with things like pride, depression, and a need to control. By doing this, I believe that fear gets away with much more than it ever should.
     I think that my fearful nature at this moment in my life is due the the lack of my believing in God's sovereignty (as you mentioned in your blog). I think it also has a good bit to do with the fact that I have allowed the evil one to distort my thoughts into something that resembles the thoughts of my old self that was buried with Christ ! So right now I am speaking out that I am a new creation in Christ Jesus ...The OLD is GONE and the NEW is HERE!
     And while breaking free of my fearful nature may be a journey ... it is one that I am willing to take ...

I miss you and I cant wait to see you! ( you like how I said that like A.I know when it was going to be and B. as if it were just around the corner --- because i believe both of those things to be true!)

Love,
Your Person


   

HOLY not happy...

The most PRECIOUS flower girl ever!
"I don't want to get married because I want to stay with my Mommy and Daddy all day long"
Ash and Greggles ( Bride and Groom)

My Sorority FAM
Nattie and Katty
Since I last posted much has happened! I was blessed to have the opportunity to sing in one of my dearest friend's wedding! What a blast it was! Everyone was very laid back and chill and even though none of the musicians (there were four of us) had ever sang/ played the song all together after a couple of times through the song we were good to go ! I think a lot of the "laidbackness" (yes, that is now a word)of the bride and groom had to do with the fact that they both love Jesus with all of their hearts and they knew that the day wasn't about anything but bringing him glory!
So I think that God has been teaching me something ever since this past weekend ( Well, most likely, he has been trying to teach it to me for much longer I am just beginning to listen.) that so often I make decisions or evaluate decision on how I feel rather than on who God IS! Now I am not sure if any of you know what I am talking about, and if you don't then go with me for a second.
I am not feeling God so I assume that he is far from me. I am not feeling like I am going to have the money to go to school so I begin to doubt and configure a plan to get the money. I am not feeling loved by a friend so I think that maybe it is time to walk away from that friendship. I am not feeling love by my man so I assume God has made me feel like that as a sign that it isn't going to workout. I am not feeling like I am enjoying my Job so I assume it is because it is time from me to quit. Have any of you felt this way and as a result made these assumptions?
If you just shook your head yes... then I am right there with you. But here is what God has been knocking into my head lately. (I say knocking because most of that time that is what it takes to get me to listen). That life is less about how I feel and more about who God is. That the circumstances of my life as a follower of The Lord were not put into motion to make me feel happy but rather to make me HOLY. I am pretty positive that making a choice based on who God is rather than what I feel is a good thing --- considering that my feelings change like the wind, while God's character is UNCHANGING!
So to end this post that probably doesn't make much sense to anyone but me ... I will say this. Life is about choices not feelings. If we are consulting the unchanging God of the UNIVERSE that cares about us on these choices that we are making --- HE will show up and make himself known, even if it doesn't necessarily make us feel good, happy, or comfortable when we are experiencing it.

This is the way I live !

So I am not sure if any of you are like this, but about every 6 months or so I get feeling like I need to change something. I get bored with the way that I am ... and I want  to do something new! This little instinct inside of me has resulted in me chopping my hair off really short, getting a tattoo, getting tons of layers, dying my hair ( with the stuff that says it washes out in like 30 washes but it never really does) and many other little random things. About a week ago I got the Itch again. This little itch was scratched yesterday by a nose piercing !!!! Yep folks ... my nose is pierced!

I arrived at the decision to pierce my nose after much thought. I didn't want to chop off my hair again because it is just now getting long! I didn't want to dye my hair because I am sure that one day I will NEED to dye my hair and I think I am going to keep it healthy until then. I couldn't get another tattoo because Mom would have cried and nobody wants to make there mommy cry. So... piercing my nose seemed like the best decision.It isn't permanent yet it is a nice little change.

After I decided I then had to call my Mimi and Bigdaddy ( my wonderful grandparents) and Mom to make sure that they would still claim me if I had a "hole in my face" (Mimi) . After much conversation, and many statements that were along the lines of : "Do you want people to think that you are Hindu"  "Who is gonna like you better with a hole in your face" and " Why do you need to do this? Can't you just paint your nails a crazy color." My wonderful Family all  told me that they loved me and that "a hole in my face" was not going to change my heart ! : )  They are great !

So a couple of hours later Lindsey (who was my moral support) went to the place ... and It is DONE !!! I know you are curious what it looks like so I will try to post some pictures soon ! For now ... If you are feeling an itch to do something different ---- scratch away my friend !!